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Snuggie Math: The Snuggie > Steroids

HEADLINE TRANSLATION FOR THE UNINITIATED: ‘The Snuggie is Greater than Steroids’ … (you’re welcome)

When Monica read about getting 10% off for Snuggie Wearers @ the gym (because the Snuggie reduces Phantom Sweat off of exercise equipment, which leads to reduced labor cost…of course), she was all in.

By day, Monica is a mild-mannered college student. But at night, when she dons the Security Blanket of the 21st Century, the Snuggie, her strength goes through the roof. It has been documented somewhere, by a realiable anonymous source, that the Snuggie is more effective than Steroids in hitting long homeruns. Seven major league teams have already changed their home uniforms to Snuggie versions. Take that, Slanket!

And of course, there are other benefits to wearing a Snuggie. When one wears the Snuggie, the rules do not apply to you. Exhibit A:

You can get away with littering in a Snuggie. Everyone is so distracted by the sheer awesomeness of the Snuggie, that you can pretty much do what you want. Speaking of doing what you want, Monica wants to do the Heisman. Do the Heisman, Monica!

The Snuggie gives you supernatural balance, as pictured above. And did we mention that it also gives you a free pass when it comes to littering?

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