After three years of sending ALL CAPS EMAILS, the Snuggie King discovers his CAPS LOCK key and the meaning of the word 'toggle'. Morale is high and the Oatmeal is flowing out of the corner office once again. All Hail, King Snuggie.
Snuggie Guitar Hero, not to be confused with Snuggie Air Guitar Hero, is the new craze sweeping the nation. Exhibit A: Dale
We caught up with Dale just after he completed his six song set. He tossed his axe to a roadie (it actually bounced off the couch, but in Dale's imagination his roady restrung the Les Paul with stickers, and all was right with the world). He swilled down an energy drink (named 'Dale' in his imagination). He wouldn't say, but the twinkle in his eye told us one thing - "Snuggie Encore".
Pulling a guitar pick out of his earthy Longaberger Basket, Dale produced a felt tipped pen out of a Snuggie Sleeve and proceeded to autograph it and throw it into the first row of the family den. Straight up - Dale would not be able to sign that pick in a blanket.
Dale quickly started nuking a bag of Orville Redenbacher's and then kicked in the encore, hoping to finish in the three and a half minutes that Orville requires. I waved my complimentary booklight in the air, which was a fortunate choice as the microwave blew a breaker halfway through 'Crazy Train'. Being the consummate Snuggie Guitar Hero, Dale shadow played the remainder of the song from memory as I sang and hummed along in falsetto..."We're going off the rails of the Snuggie Train".
You cannot contain the Snuggie Restless Arm Syndrome, you can only hope to contain it. The Snuggie Restless Arm Syndrome has been noted previously here, here, and here.
Pictured above is Michael as he is released from the hospital. He suffered from Snuggie Restless Arm Syndrome - the inexplicable urge to raise your hands when wearing a Snuggie. His syndrome has gone into remission, thanks to a steady diet of Star Trek Voyager episodes and stuffed animals. Of course, if you really want to keep your hands down, you could lay underneath those notoriously restrictive blankets.
Liana goes bullet time to avoid the odor emanating from Agent Flip Flops. There may indeed be no spoon, Keanu, but Agent Flip Flops is for real. "I need an exit!"
NOTE TO WORLD: The Snuggie has you.
Kristina returns in her Snuggie, this time at the local car wash. She's buffing her car with a ShamWow. Now that is "As Seen on TV" class.
We have to screen the photos we receive. There are the fake Snuggie Sightings that get sent in. Yes, I'm talking to you, guy who sent in the Photoshoped image of your co-worker standing in front of a pyramid in Mexico. You called it El Snuggie to add to the authenticity. You had me at hello, until I noticed that your co-worker was hovering off the ground and he was wearing a gray Snuggie. Excuse me? Snuggies only come in 3 colors, and Gray is not one of them. Nice try.
And then we get the more subtle fakes. Case in point ...
Three of the four 'Snuggies' appear legitimate, but the fourth is clearly not a Snuggie. It is a different color and appears to be a Backward Bathrobe. There is such a glaring difference between a Backward Bathrobe and a Snuggie. Everyone knows the two are worlds apart.
Next time you are celebrating your birthday, John, don't invite the Fake Snuggie guy. I'm just sayin'. Perhaps that's why you gave him the Jelly Jar to drink out of. "What are you drinking fake Snuggie guy?" "I'm drinking Welch's"
Useless SnuggieSightings.com Trivia: What website ranks #1 on Google at the time of this writing for the search term Backward Bathrobe? Mom is waaay proud.
Snuggie Sightings star Kristina wears her Snuggie to the movies.
Loni shows how it is done. She types 128 WPM, thanks to her Snuggie. She has also taken to other good habits since acquiring the Snuggie, such as hanging a Martha Stewart poster on her office wall, leaving her cigarettes unsmoked, and notice that she no longer has use for her glasses. It appears that the Snuggie can even improve your eyesight, enabling you to enjoy a good book, such as 'Marley & Me' (off the clock, of course).
This just in, we have our first Snuggie faxing. Jennifer and Nicole do the honors.
The handwriting on the box between these two Snuggie Faxers caught my eye. So I thought I would zoom in to take a little looksee.
Someone might want to get on that, ...or are you standing in the Fax/Storage room?
There's also something that reminds me of the Workplace Snuggie Blessing.