Archive for February, 2009
Snuggie Math: The Snuggie > Steroids
HEADLINE TRANSLATION FOR THE UNINITIATED: ‘The Snuggie is Greater than Steroids’ … (you’re welcome)
When Monica read about getting 10% off for Snuggie Wearers @ the gym (because the Snuggie reduces Phantom Sweat off of exercise equipment, which leads to reduced labor cost…of course), she was all in.
Monica lifting the maximum in her Snuggie. If she were wearing a blanket, the back of it would rip in two, from the magnitude of her Snuggie lifting power.
By day, Monica is a mild-mannered college student. But at night, when she dons the Security Blanket of the 21st Century, the Snuggie, her strength goes through the roof. It has been documented somewhere, by a realiable anonymous source, that the Snuggie is more effective than Steroids in hitting long homeruns. Seven major league teams have already changed their home uniforms to Snuggie versions. Take that, Slanket!
And of course, there are other benefits to wearing a Snuggie. When one wears the Snuggie, the rules do not apply to you. Exhibit A:
Monica can litter in her Snuggie.
You can get away with littering in a Snuggie. Everyone is so distracted by the sheer awesomeness of the Snuggie, that you can pretty much do what you want. Speaking of doing what you want, Monica wants to do the Heisman. Do the Heisman, Monica!
To all the Snuggie-Haters, talk to my Snuggie Heisman Hand
The Snuggie gives you supernatural balance, as pictured above. And did we mention that it also gives you a free pass when it comes to littering?
Tada. I'm afflicted with the Snuggie Restless Arm Syndrome and I'm a Happy Little Litter Bug.
Snuggie OCD
We previously mentioned how you know you have a Snuggie problem when you save your empties. After seeing this photo of Scott from the Silverton Casino, we can only ask “who has more Snuggies than this guy?”
The Snuggie Collector - Scott sits on his Snuggie Mountain...all in Mint Condish. 3 Sherpas died last week trying to summit K-Snuggie. Scott is currently writing a book about the tragedy, entitled 'Into Thin Snuggie'.
Imagine the Complimentary Booklights this man has! Be careful, Scott. We don’t want you to get caught up in a Snuggie Avalanche. Of course, you would survive since you are wearing a Snuggie. All bets would be off if you were in a soul-crushing blanket.
Complimentary Booklight Hacks
Tony and Tony have been sequestered by Homeland Security after they figured out a way to mod their Snuggie Complimentary Booklights. Either that, or at least one of these Tony’s has mad Photoshop Skillz (Lens Flare, anyone?).
The two Tony's send Light Signals to the International Space Station with their Complimentary Booklights. E.T. phoned home and he wants a Snuggie!
~~~
Tony 1
“Hey, Tony”
Tony 2
“What, Tony?”
Tony 1
“Let’s Arc-Weld a Big Pipe extruding out of our wall with our hacked Complimentary Booklights.”
Tony 2
“Good plan, Tony. Let’s block a doorway with said pipe.”
Tony 1
“Agreed. Said pipe will compliment our fridge magnet collection.”
Tony 1 and Tony 2
“Snuggie Complimentary Booklights…ENGAGE!”